The last few weeks have been really emotional with more tears than I had expected. All of the stuff on TV about 9-11 has had me missing my daddy more than ever. It may be 10 years since the terrorists attacks on our country but for me its a constant reminder that it has been 10 years since Daddy died. I've tried to push it off to September 11th so Amber could have her birthday without it being the anniversary of Daddy's death. This year she sent me flowers on her birthday because as much as I tried in the past, she knew it would be September 8th that was the really hard day for me. I cried more than I have in a long time. And now I write because I know it is good medicine for me.
Lessons from my daddy:
1. Don't worry. If something has happened that you need to know about someone will find you with the information. Over the years I have tried to do this, but never as well as he did. I remember telling Amber, "I was to praying." That was my way of trying not to worry. Odie did it so well.
2. Be who you are no matter who you're with or where you are. Daddy was always himself. He didn't try to impress anyone with what he knew, what he had done, or where he had been. The truth is he knew lots, had done lots, and he had been around the world. He was just himself. I want to be more like that.
3. Never do anything out of duty. This was a frustration at times. We would want Daddy to do this or that and he would only do it if he wanted. As we got older we knew that when Daddy was with you it was totally because he wanted to be there. When you were together it was because he wanted to be. As simple as it sounds that means something to me now. I can still see him sitting at my house on Christmas not because he was expected to be here but because he want to be here.
4. A Christian isn't just someone who shows up for church. He was turned off by people who went to church on Sunday and did whatever they wanted every other day of the week. See #2.
5. Be committed to the ones you love. Daddy spent the last 13 years of his life with Charlene. He loved her intensely. We was willing to do just about anything for her. The weekends belonged to her. I talked to her on Thursday and we talked about Odie. She has wonderful memories and a house full of things that speak of his love for her. I wondered if his chair , the hutch he built or any of the things around her house are painful She says that it is more of a comfort. Its a little like having him close for now.
I know that my daddy was not perfect and had his faults. PRAISE GOD!! I choose to not talk about those publicly or privately. I just say that now to acknowledge that he was just a man. On this, the 10th anniversary of his death, I choose to remember only the good that I want to have more in my life. It is with this hope that I write that on the 10th anniversary of my death, my children, grandchildren, and hopefully great-grandchildren remember not my many faults but the positive things I have put into their lives. I know that I love them as much as my daddy loved me.
